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Lies and manipulation One of the moms in my playgroup is a master manipulator. She is very sweet, and very caring, and uses this to push the rest of us around like pawns on a chessboard. And, when she gets caught, she creates more drama, threatens to leave the group, and generally manages to direct the attention away from whatever she did. I�d heard stories from other moms about feeling manipulated by her, and I believed them. But you know how it is�on some level you can�t really believe it until it happens to you. Another mom, the word wizard, is really good at being mean. She�s great with words, and she really knows how to use them as weapons. She�s also very much black and white about stuff. You are her friend, or you are scum of the earth. There is no in between. She says there is. She says that she can dislike someone and still treat them civilly. Apparently looking through people, pretending they don�t exist, and throwing accusations at them constitutes civil in her world. So, about 10 weeks ago there was an �incident� between the master manipulator and another mom, and I was told about it because it marginally involved me. I was told how to handle it by the word wizard (who wasn�t even involved in the situation), but I felt that her way would cause unnecessary embarrassment, so I politely refused to do that. I had another solution that would serve the same purpose without embarrassing anyone. And, I did what needed to be done, and then I moved on. I had a friend visiting and had better things to do that day than worry about an issue that had been resolved as far as I could tell. I didn�t even get back on the computer for the rest of that day. Actually, I had a wonderful day scrapping with a few friends, and basically letting Debra and Ryan take care of the boys while I scrapped, chatted, and relaxed. The next morning, I woke up to a nasty email from the word wizard. Frankly, I figured it was in reaction to a she said/she said situation and it would blow itself over. And I decided not to reply. Things did not blow over, though. I went from being a good friend to being invisible. I still decided to wait it out. Until this weekend. I was ignored when I said hello at Mom�s Night Out and treated as if the space I occupied simply didn�t exist. That was enough for me. All along, I guessed that the reason for the nasty email was because the word wizard thought I had talked behind her back. She never said that, though. I finally decided it was time to find out for sure. So I replied to the nasty email. Not because I had concerns about the original issue, that is long over, but because I was honestly bewildered about what I did to earn �scum of the earth� status. I got a scathing email back. I�m accused of lying and backstabbing, and was told that I need to live with the consequences of my actions. The thing is, I know who really did the behind the back talking. It wasn�t me�I had Lisa here all day and overnight. She knows that I never got on the phone or the computer. And the other mom knows that I never talked to her that day and that the true backstabbing didn�t come from me. That�s all I need. I know that you�re all shocked to hear that the real backstabber was the master manipulator. She won�t ever own up to it, and frankly, I don�t want her to. The word wizard, even if she were to realize that her anger was misdirected, would never apologize. And, I don�t want her to. I know the truth. The master manipulator knows the truth. From where I sit now, my attitude is that those two can take a flying leap. I don�t need that kind of friendship. One day, the master manipulator will again cross the word wizard, and she�ll blame it on someone else, and the cycle will repeat itself until there are no people left to blame, or until the word wizard sees what some of the rest of us see---that there is one person who is in the middle of a lot of the gossip and controversy. Now, I am ready to face the consequences of my actions. I am posting this here, knowing that it will probably be read by some of the moms in the playgroup. It is not, nor has ever been, about having others take sides. I can be friends with anyone. I can be civil to anyone. And, I'm one of the most loyal people you will ever meet. When you have my friendship, you have it. But, I do know that others have heard about this backstabbing and manipulation that I supposedly was responsible for. This is my way to speak my mind. It's my diary after all...I say what I feel here. I always have. And, when I'm to blame, I say that, too. Any fallout from this is my fault and mine alone. I know that. I chose to write this is a public forum. Let the chips fall where they may. past | future0 comments Listening to: Reading: Eating/drinking: Do what to me?!? - April 24, 2007 Wicked funny websearch - April 05, 2007 Trot out the dogs 'n ponies - March 31, 2007 Almost done... - March 20, 2007 Who am I? - March 12, 2007 READ ME |