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I miss you Julie!! Grief is such a strange thing. I lost a good friend of mine 4 months ago. Julie had been fighting cancer for almost 4 years when she finally lost the battle. Even though it was expected, it hit me really hard. Then, I kind-of just, well, ignored it (for lack of a better word). But, I was realizing last weekend that it's been right there, nagging at me all along, ever since last summer, when everyone realized that no more treatments were working and that the end of the road was upon us. I haven't wanted to connect with anyone besides a few close girlfriends who would never let me disappear into the woodwork. So, I started thinking about that. I don't want to be close to anyone else, because it hurts like a bitch when they fall ill and nothing you do can make their pain go away. I effectively isolated myself from most people for almost a year. A few people were let in, but for the most part, I was going through the motions of being a friend. I didn't want to put my heart on the line again. Julie and I met in childbirth class while pregnant with our first children. We really got along well. It was one of those rare couple friendships where all 4 people are friends. The last night that I was in the hospital after giving birth to Bailey, I was up walking the halls in the middle of the night because when you are barely over 5 feet tall and you've had a c-section, getting out of bed is not easy. Every time I got out of bed for any reason, I walked the halls because the more I walked, the more my abs healed. Well, we had just wheeled Bailey's little bassinet into the nursery and walked out when I spotted a very familiar looking man walking down the hall carrying a brand new baby in his arms. As soon as I saw a second person, carrying another brand new baby, coming right behind him, I realized that it was Don, Julie's husband. So, we stayed there and watched through the nursery window as Jacqueline & Jade were bathed and weighed in. Ever since that moment, I have felt a very special bond with them. I mean, I saw them minutes after their birth! After we moved, I used to stay with Julie, Don, & the girls when I would visit Santa Barbara. Those moments, late at night after the kids were asleep, were very special. I cherish the memories of us just lying around on the couch laughing and talking, or relaxing in the hot tub, more than any others we shared. Julie was the most courageous woman I've ever met. She did not give up when she found out she had cancer. By all doctor accounts, she should have had little time. She didn't believe that. Julie researched and discovered all kinds of clinical trials and experimental treatments. She was not afraid of the cancer. She was determined to beat it. For almost 4 years she bravely stared death in the face. Julie, I miss you and love you!! And, I think I'm going to take a lesson from your strength, and not be afraid to trust again. Thank you, friend!! past | future0 comments Listening to: Reading: Eating/drinking: Do what to me?!? - April 24, 2007 Wicked funny websearch - April 05, 2007 Trot out the dogs 'n ponies - March 31, 2007 Almost done... - March 20, 2007 Who am I? - March 12, 2007 READ ME |